Years have passed since Cheryl and the kids left me my days of happiness have long since touched my soul. I awoke in a cold sweat the alarm clock illuminated the time burning deep into my eyes 10:04 it read I shook my head denying the time and then it hit me like a freight truck I was now an hour late for work, but what did I care my life had long deteriorated like an apple slowly being consumed by mould, so slow and ultimately inevitable. so I rolled over and returned to the only place where I was happy. the land of makebelieve.
The sound of the phone awoke me from my deep slumber, grumpily I dragged my bones out of bed and to the phone “what is it” it was my mother.
1 Comment
Add Yours →Hi Nathan,
You need to pay closer attention to your spelling and grammar. There are many examples where you have ignored the natural pauses in your writing where you should have a full stop and start a new sentence. There are also punctuations that you are missing throughout your writing. This all negatively impacts the quality of your writing.
You also have an issue with run-on sentences. From Beep all the way to makebelieve is a single sentence. This causes a lack of flow in your writing, which will effect your readers ability to follow your narrative.
Thank you
Mr Johnson